If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
