Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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