Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
