I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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