pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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