she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
