Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
