We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
