Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
