omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
