i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
