i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
