woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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