I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
