I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize