I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
