I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
