Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
