the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
