somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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