Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
