Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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