I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
