the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize