how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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