Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
