Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
