Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
