i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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