If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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