so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
