Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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