I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize