yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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