She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
