eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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