So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
