with your own penis?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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