There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
