In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
