New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
