yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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