My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You made out with two different species that night
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
