My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's blow job season.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize