I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
