Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
