My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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