so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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