Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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