Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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