her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
