i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize