...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
