this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize