Betty ford says i'm here all night
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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