So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize