Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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