please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
