Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
