it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
