Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
