He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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