I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm so fucking centered right now
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
