He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
