I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just found puke in my bra..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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