found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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