My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
