We're facebook friends in real life
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
