A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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