Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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