I think my fart just growled at me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
