I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
