There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize