i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
