I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In other news, I just burned my penis
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
