There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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