i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
