This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
