I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
