This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
try to milk me bitch
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
