if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
