addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize