Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
