Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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