tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
