Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She bit a glass in half.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
