I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize