I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
