I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
