Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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