I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
