Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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