If that was your dad, he is hot
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
