i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
