He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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