she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
