awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So squirting runs in the family.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
