White coat. Heels.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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