thus making me awesome and them whores
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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