it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
