The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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