Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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